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… or shouldn’t.

That is – of course – a reference to the truly dreadful tartan hat sported by Mitchell in series one and two.  It’s beyond awful.  Luckily for all concerned it seemed to get lost in the hurried move to Barry or was burned and the ashes ceremonially danced on by someone who’d had the misfortune to see it…

Oh.  Apparently I have to add something here.

Some people liked it.  And the yellow T-shirt.  And the saggy tracky bottoms.

You know who you are.

Can I move on now?

Thanks.

I wrote about the Being Human costumes in my book about series 1-3 so I’m not going to go over that again.  (If you are desperate to read it you might have to buy a copy!)  Series four gives some decent pickings though, frock-wise…

Series four did answer the question about how vampires do their hair.  Easy.  Make sure your werewolf is a barber…  Now that may not be the solution for everyone but all unholy trinity households should have one.  Maybe Mitchell would never have got into all that trouble if George had been good with scissors and had trimmed his fringe regularly.

Hal’s initially formal attire fitted perfectly with Pearl and Leo’s household – maybe without a reflection it’s easiest for a vampire to reflect what they see around them.  He stayed pretty buttoned up once ensconced in HH but did venture into something a little more casual, although that beige car coat is going to impress no one!  No one under 75 anyway…  Interesting that the black coat only ever came out when he was verging on bad Hal – dressing for the role.  If Hal could have seen himself in the mirror I suspect he’d never have gone back to the cafe – blue shoe and sleeve covers? They may match but elegant they are not!

He broke out a suit for his date with Alex.  That was good as she’s also made an effort and dressed like a girl for the occasion.  This may have turned out to be a misjudgment…  Not sure if Hal had the suit prepared for such an eventuality or if he nipped into TopMan on the way out.  My suspicion is that there are carefully labelled and immaculately ironed prepared outfits for all conceivable occasions hanging neatly in plastic covers in his wardrobe.

Poor old Tom gets a rough deal frock wise.  He’s been living in a small blue van so must have had limited hanging rails and probably no special shoe cupboard but even so…  Michael Socha admits on the S4 DVD interviews that while Hal gets a go at Paul Smith Tom’s in Primark…  Nothing wrong with Primark, of course – or so I’m told anyway.  (Can’t go in myself – allergic to static.)

He does make an effort to go to dinner with Cutler with a spectacularly Eurovision frilly shirt…  It’s a lovely part of Tom’s story that he’s never worn a tie and when Cutler puts it on for him it points out the way he’s about to break Tom apart – scientifically cutting him up into tiny bleeding pieces.  Clever – he could have walked round the table but reaching over asserted his dominance so much better.  He might as well have been tying a noose.

Annie is still in her grey – leggings, boots, white top but she has a bigger cardi this time round.  All the better to swaddle you with.  I wonder what lessons were taken from Annie’s costume in deciding what Alex should face eternity (or series five) wearing?  I wonder if her outfit will morph like Annie’s did according to her confidence and her moods.  Maybe it won’t – after all, we keep getting told Annie is unique.  She may be horrified at facing her ghostly future in a frock but it could have been so much worse… Remember the theatre ghosts in series two?  Makes you want to rethink your hobbies – and it’s a serious reminder that white socks are always A Very Bad Idea.  Especially with latex….

There was the usual sprinkling of police uniforms – the vampires do love a costume don’t they – and I think that Griffin was the most senior we’ve seen so far.  Cutler had some suitably solicitor-ish suits, even though most of the sleeves seem a touch on the short side!  Was the briefcase he had in the police station when he bailed out Tom the same one that he had when he first met Hal?  Not sure, need to go back and check – unless anyone else already knows that.  I’m sure someone else is as obsessive as me…

The Old Ones were formally attired in a collection of curious suits and evening dresses.  I have no idea why their arrival in perfect formation made me think of a mid-range production of Evita but it did.  If only Mr Snow had given us a quick chorus of “Don’t cry for me Argentina” (or even Bolivia) from a handy balcony.

Now that would have been all kinds of brilliant!

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And if you haven’t seen the film the title of this post comes from then you should.  Here’s a taster…

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